


Welcome To Westview, Dear

by multifandom404



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies), WandaVision (TV)
Genre: Agatha being petty, Crack Fic, Drinking, Friendship, Hela is a good listener, Two pretty bestfriends, drinking first thing in the morning, milfs we love, suprisingly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-15
Updated: 2021-03-15
Packaged: 2021-03-23 15:46:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,734
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30057798
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/multifandom404/pseuds/multifandom404
Summary: Just two pretty and powerful milfs having bottles of tequila in the middle of hot summer.
Relationships: Agatha Harkness & Hela (Marvel)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 25





	Welcome To Westview, Dear

**Author's Note:**

> I saw a fancam of them. I got inspired. Plus they're my comfort characters.

Hela felt a void sucking her being to somewhere she was about to find out. It was a relief. It felt like an eternity trapped in the void of the Universe. 

  
  


She wonders how her foolish brothers are doing now. Now that Asgard is gone, she wonders. 

  
  


Her being felt like connecting. She prepared herself for a rough landing. Wherever the universe will out her. To that said, her ass landed on soft grass and mud. Ruining her already ruined dress, from the looks of it. She's on Earth. 

  
  


Again. 

  
  


It's tiring actually, always ending up on Earth. What is the deal with the Universe on this planet? 

  
  


Wherever this place on Earth. Something attracted her here. Something powerful. But not too dangerous for her.

  
  


"Well, hello there stranger!" A quirky voice made her jump. A woman with a large smile on her face greeted her. It was scorching hot. 

  
  


"Who are you?" Her raspy voice appeared appalling, but apparently not for the woman in front of her. 

  
  


"Well, hon, I'm the one who is supposed to ask you that. You're trespassing my garden and apparently killing my Bermuda grass… that's so disappointing." She sighed. Hela looked at her hands and saw the once healthy grass turned weeds. 

  
  


"Oh… I—" the woman laughed.

  
  


"Oh, no need to be sorry, I'm redecorating it." She said. Her eyes were sparkling blue, deep blue. "I am Agnes, the nosy neighbor." She offered her hand to her. Hela wiped the dirt on her palm and deactivated her ability.

  
  


"I am Hela." She stood up. "You're a tall one, Hela. Your name suits your get-up but not the season." She made a face. Humans are hauntingly annoying.

  
  


"What do you mean?"

  
  


"Honey, don't get me wrong, the whole black and green attire brings out your curves but it's summer, bodysuit isn't the best choice." She waved her hands. 

  
  


Hela was offended by the human's take. "Where am I?"

  
  


"Well, you are exactly in my garden, dear. But if you're asking about the place, you are in Westview, New Jersey." She snorted. "I know, suburban."

  
  


Well, Hela is completely clueless about that, the last time she came here on Earth was facing her brothers and humans still riding on horses. 

  
  


"Well, do you have anything I can wear until I find my brothers?" She asked. The woman smiled at her, no, a knowing smile. 

  
  


"I have anything, toots." She waved her hand, but with intricate movement. It released a dark shade of violet. Hela felt her body lighter. 

  
  


"Oh, great. You're a witch." She groaned. Her new attire was ridiculously bright, with a yellow and blue floral dress and beige flats.

  
  


"Oh, and I thought you're just an uptight goth princess." Her taunting voice is getting through her veins. "Smile, honey."

  
  


Hela unleashed her sword. "Oh, no need to be overdramatic, I won't fight you." She chuckled. 

  
  


Hela found herself inside a very decorative home. Plants were everywhere, also furniture. They were on the kitchen, with linoleum floor, designed with hideous patterns. "Your home is too crowded." Hela preferred minimalist style to make her space larger, showered with gold and jewels.

  
  


"Oh, well I'm sorry I couldn't afford Asgard." Hela rolled her eyes. "Be careful with windows. There are eyes everywhere." Yes, Hela can sense those humans.

  
  


"Why are they watching?"

  
  


"Oh don't be absurd if you think they're watching you. I'm the star here, darling." She took cups from her cupboards. "Tea?"

  
  


"If you don't mind." Hela sat on the chair, it had a soft cushion in it. Something that only the throne of Odin doesn't have. She groaned remembering the stupid act her brothers did just to defy her. 

  
  


They're all stupid. Everything is stupid except herself, of course. 

  
  


The woman handed her a cup filled with hot tea. She took a sip.

  
  


"What monstrosity is this?" She took the cup away from her as possible.

  
  


"Oh honey, if you knew how much I'm suffering. I've been drinking Lipton tea since I've been here. I guess that woman can't afford to shift them to a much worthwhile tea. Plus people here only know healthy living, one was pursuing me going vegan and the other was rioting about the government creating artificial vegetables. They can buy my care about the vegetable they eat. I'm in a literal hell." She took the tea away, Hela is confused but she just flows with the woman's rumbling. 

  
  


"Anyways, why did you decide to land here?" The witch said.

  
  


"I just didn't simply land here, the Universe decided that." She groaned. "Trust me, I don't want to see a woman on a… a very small clothing as I was reborn." She judged the witch's clothing.

  
  


"Honey—"

  
  


"Hela is my name."

  
  


"Okay, sensitive goddess of death." She sighed. "The universe, the universe. I don't understand why in all places in the cosmos, every powerful being is being sent to this forsaken town."

  
  


"There's another powerful being here?" 

  
  


"Was. And I don't want to talk about it, it gave me a terrible headache. Locked me up, can't use my power, can't even say her name. Do you know how hard it is to live without using your magic?!" She sighed. That's probably the reason why she's here.

  
  


"On that, I could relate." She also sighed. "Why don't you just leave here?"

Agatha gave her an 'are you fucking serious' look. "What a great question. One suspicious step and those men will come up to me, then I have to use my magic then she'll know I broke her spell. Using my magic on you was risky enough."

The quirky woman offered her a liquid. From her guess, it is liquor. "Surprising how powerful this woman is and you can still get out of her magic."

Agatha sat in front of the goddess, but both her feet on the table, and took her flask. "Luckily from 7 am to 11 am I'm completely free of her magic. I came back being Agnes, my alter-ego within 12-4 pm then another 3 hours of freedom and back at it again." She grumbled. 

"Do you know how mentally draining it is to listen to the suburban gossip, the homeowner meetings? The only good thing here is the girl scout cookies. Nonetheless, it gave me more entertainment than the reality tv shows." 

"Must be a hard life." Hela didn't get much of what she says but her expression can tell how frustrated she is. The goddess drank everything from the cup. 

"That's tequila."

"Your liquors barely make my tongue curl." Her brash tone rang. The woman smirked. "Well princess, I know something that can, it's much more intoxicating."

It seems that the goddess wasn't that far from civilization to not understand an innuendo. 

"But you're not annoyed by being trapped." She said. The witch was caught off guard. "I am a goddess, in death for specifics, I dealt with souls, I am hyper-aware of living beings. I can tell when your souls are bothered or at peace."

"Can you read my mind?"

"I'm a goddess, not a witch." She sneered. The witch seems relieved about it.

"Well, you are quite right." The witch shrugged. "She's… stupid. I hate that she never learns. Do you know why I can break free of her spell?"

"No." Hela summoned the bottle of tequila from the counter. 

"Because her magic is unbalanced! Just like what she did on the hex!—"

"The what?"

"Just listen, sweetheart," Agatha said. The other woman just shrugged and drank the whole bottle. "And stop drinking my tequila like water, I got limited stock!"

"Anyways, the young witch's magic is so imbalanced and unprotected that makes her a sweet red spot in a target. I could tell where exactly she is and probably hundreds of witches too." She rolled her eyes. "She's trying to learn through the darkhold by herself when she couldn't even make a simple curse, rune, sigil, or trap. Focusing her magic too much, she forgets I'm here, the one she's controlling."

"How did she catch you?" Hela asked out of curiosity. She didn't expect to be a listener to a witch as a first encounter being reborn, to be honest. So she'll just entertain herself.

Agatha remembered, not her proudest moment. "Let's not talk about that, hon." 

"Why don't you just fly to her, get your revenger or tutor her on how she can efficiently control you if you can go undetected?" Agatha saw the goddess halfway through another bottle. 

"I won't. She said, she'll be here when she needs me." She scoffs. "And she's not here. So I won't leave."

"You're stubborn." The goddess retorted, finishing her bottle.

"No, I'm a witch." She smirked. Both of them did. "So what about you?"

"Oh well, I have no more home. Asgard is gone, probably just a speck of dust in space." She said. 

"Well, I've heard that your brother built a new one, here on Earth." She said. "But the other one is dead."

Hela raised her eyebrow. "Loki?"

"Hmm." Agatha nodded. 

"Well, I wouldn't be surprised if he came back, he's mischief. He'll come back." Hela knows Loki, and there's a huge chance he's just faking it. 

"Whatever, I've dealt with enough family problems to think of yours." Agatha bit her lower lip. "Say… would you mind staying here for tonight?"

Hela looked suspiciously at the witch. "What?"

"I'm not planning to do something, but you can plead if you want me to. I just need you to stay for tonight. Then you can leave tomorrow morning because for sure I won't be here by tomorrow too." Agatha drummed her fingers on her exposed thigh.

"What are you planning, witch?" 

"Since my dear Wanda and I are being petty to approach each other, I'm just gonna attract her coming here." She giggled. 

"Do I look like a fly trap to you?"

"Uhh…" Agatha looked up and down at her. "Yes."

"What do I get if I played the role?"

"Might tell you where to find Asgard, I've heard they got a new king." Her eyes were taunting, sparkling with mischievousness. 

"Though, be patient with my alter-ego, don't worry she's very kind and inviting. Might be too inviting. If you can't resist, don't be guilty, you have my consent." Agatha winked. 

"You, humans, are so irritating." 

"I'm a witch, I'm far worse and entertaining than that."

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> The small amount of heterosexuality in me is quacking rn because of them.


End file.
